It is 6am and this is my view. Decaf espresso with steamed oat milk with a splash of caramel syrup. I put the syrup in the milk before steaming it, as it makes the sugars expand with the steam, allowing a splash to bloom into it’s full form of just-right sweetness. Sometimes…a lot of times…a little sweetness goes a long way.
As it is with life, I am thinking.
Summer always tends to bring out the hot emotions for me, how about you? There’s loads of outdoor activities which I love, visiting with loved ones, which I love, beautiful summer nights in the forest or by the lake, which I love…AND the nights can be hard to settle due to the heat, the sun can be accosting on my skin and vision, and it’s heat takes a toll on my Irish blood. These occurrences, uncomfortably, invite me into deeper care and reflection of my needs and what works best for me in these hot days. I am constantly learning about my needs and now it would seem, more than ever. With no more children in the house I am left with space that invites me to go deeper into my relationship with myself, what matters most to me in this life, where my feet are called to step and what air I am meant to breathe. Even deeper, which should not be a surprise and yet, on a level, I am. How deep does/can healing go? What discovery lies beyond what has already been tended to? Mined? Uncovered? Laid to rest?
Part of what I am trying to share with you today, is that healing never ends. Most of you who have sat in my circles have heard me say that healing continues till the last breath leaves our bodies. More than ever, I am living that truth, some of which is beyond my control as it is the natural process, AND some of which I do have a say in by engaging in and being a part of the process. It’s been subtle and slow, this latest spiral through my life journey, which I am grateful for as there has been deep grief and sadness experienced as I see some of my life forming experiences through my elder eyes. When those events where happening there was no space for unraveling into the sadness, and I did not understand the process of grief. I was surviving. Please know in those places of survival, there where many lights shining, and sweet pockets of love held open. That is why I am here. 
​I have found that at certain developmental times of our life we are called to revisit, to see things from a more steady, stable, healed place to offer our younger Self the truth of what was happening. Not to blame others but to offer our own Self freedom of the burden of shame and guilt, or whatever adverse story was planted about who we were and why we deserved or caused what had happened. I see it, and am experiencing it, as a deep, transformative form of healing, a thicker layer of shedding, a gentler process of death to the past. Gentle in the sense of allowing time and space with no judgments. Sinking in, not to the healing places we’ve been before, rather a place of the complete unknown. This is what evolution looks like.
​

Hi, I am Catherine. I am many aspects of one. Here in this space I am medicine keeper, witness, guide to those who are willing to take a leap, willing to begin, willing to discover, willing to be their own Fool, Their own Heroine/Hero, their own Healer. We have a part to play in our natural healing and I am one of many, who have been called to be of assistance to the ones who say the sacred Yes.

​It’s April Fools’ Day and today seemed like a good day to speak to the archetype of the fool, a place I have myself often. In dominant culture, the fool, overall, is looked at as negative, there are often shame and guilt attached to being a fool. And yet in mythology, legend, and the spiritual realm The Fool is where the Hero or Heroine begins their journey into The Wild Unknown; a place where we are invited into a deeper discovery of Self and our purpose in the world. Our Wild is how we heal ourselves and the world…the little stitches, the ‘food’ we make, the ‘gardens’ we tend, the words we write, the songs we sing, the ‘steps’ we take. The Wild lives within and around me. I am a part of it and it is part of me. The Fool within, is what gives me the courage to step out into the unknown, journey down paths that are not familiar, step off the cliff and free-fall into new beginnings; all the while, trusting that there is more that I do not know, have not yet discovered and stepping out as The Fool is how I learn, how I listen, how I heal. Dominant culture would have us believe that The Fool is foolish- ‘a person or action, lacking, good sense or judgement; unwise’. I would dare say, that The Fool is one who is brave, one who is willing, one who’s desire is to #livelikeyoumeanit Anyone who has accomplished something that is deep and meaningful to them has at one point had to play The Fool. Has had to step out into The Wild. Has had to Trust beyond their human comprehension. 

​Recently, I held a day retreat for women, honouring the coming of Spring. The day was to start with a cold plunge, in the lake by my home. What the women did not know is I had a plan to do our lake plunge in the area by the natural Hot Springs that can be accessed at certain times. These naturalHot Springs, are ever changing, sometimes on a daily basis. The night before the gathering, I lay in bed voicing prayers around the desires I had for it to be ‘perfect’ and a certain way. It was during this time that my guides and Mother Earth herself reminded me that this is The Wild, so that is what it will be, WILD. I chuckled at myself, as it was true, and I needed to release my own expectations of what would transpire the next morning. I shared with the sisters, my experience and we all had a good laugh as we walked towards the Hot Springs and the lake. And it was perfect. Together, we experience the wild, and it was good. 

I hold space, not only for myself as The Fool, but for others who are brave enough to take their own Fools Journey. Those who dare traverse the wasteland of their traumas, whether that be ancestral trauma that they still carry in their cells and bones, or the trauma, the grief and challenging experiences that they have experienced themselves. The ones that marked them, big and small, and altered parts of them. I do this by offering spiritually based holistic and cognitive healing through one on one sessions, gatherings, ceremony, ritual, and retreat. I am a guide, a medicine keeper, and a witness to those who are willing to be their own Fool, their own Heroine/Hero, their own Healer. We have a part to play in our own healing, and I am one who assists. The Fool’s Journey is The Heroine/Hero’s Journey. To me they are one in the same. To walk this earth is to face challenge, feel pain, experience grief. We came here to do hard things, and we were not meant to do it alone.
​So Happy April Fools Day! I pray you you have the courage to play/be the Fool now and again. I will be there too.  And it is here I remain.

It is snowing. Thick, wet flakes, falling to the earth, carried gently by the wind.
This is my favourite. Later I look forward to walking in it, bundled up, excited pup running ahead, back to me and ahead again. (Chances are it will have turned to rain by then, as the temperatures rise.) Whatever may come, for now, I will sit in the early morning darkness, watching as it falls against the glow of the streetlamp, outside of my window, and feel gratitude for the medicine this form of life-giving water brings. Often, during most snow falls, I find myself savouring the memories of childhood, growing up in a mid-northern town, where winter made its presence 6-7 months of the year. It was not always easy, and there was always a relief when the last snow melt disappeared and the bird’s songs, once again, returned. And there was a Joy that could be found during this season. Where I grew up life, and everyone in that life, adjusted to the season, which meant preparations were made and always in place. Moving with such distinct seasons required certain things to happen, and those things happened regardless of when or how the first snow fall decided to come. Preparations were made and adjustments were put in place. And people helped each other. No one did winter alone. Even if they wanted to, they were still checked in on. Winter brought with it a need for community, among other things…
As a child, being outside in the snow was part of the adventure. Tobogganing, snowball fights, building snow forts and snowmen, forging trails, and of course eating snow where some favourite past times. I was fortunate to begin skiing at a young age, down hill and cross country; both, an amazing way to spend a day.
There is nothing like the quiet of snow gently falling on a mountain side, or the sound of your skies, gliding through fluffy powdered snow, the feeling of sinking into the snow as it forms a natural seat for you, holding you firmly in place as you sip hot chocolate out of a large thermos that exudes a hint of strong coffee with each pour.
 
I now live in an area where snow brings jarring disruption. Most people, just get through. There appears to be minimal planning or anticipation so if and when, winter falls, it causes chaos and annoyance and even dangerous situations. (I am still baffled by those who drive in the snow & ice with summer tires and wonder why they have no traction) I remember when I first moved down to the lower mainland and our school closed due to snow. To be clear, in my eyes, this was a minimal dusting of snow that fell. I remember thinking to myself, this is not even snow!!! And I gladly took the day off from school. Lol
 
Winter offers us a necessary time of slowing down. Western World Productivity Culture does not support the slowing down well, and it is still a necessary aspect of our life rhythm.
We have now moved into the time right between Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox. In the Gaelic/Celtic traditions this time is also known as Imbolc and the ancient celebration of Brigid/Brigit Goddess of the Hearth, Birth/Re-Birth/Healing. She is also known as to goddess of poetry, inspiration and expression, an is The Maiden aspect of the triple goddess. This marks the time when we begin to turn away from Winter and anticipate the arrival of Spring. Historically and still in many cultures this marks the beginning of preparations for the growing season, it marks the time of procreation amongst the herds, and a clearing, cleansing and cleaning out of spaces and places to make room for what is to come.
The Light is returning.
We can mark this returning with candle or fire, as remember this returning is not only happening around us, but also within…. slowly. The Earth just does not wake up one day. She stirs, she exhales and then inhales again and again, slowly waking up all the parts that have quietly lay, seemingly dormant, under the soil of life and the living. She is like the bear, waking up from hibernation…slowly.
For us, humans, it requires mindfulness, as we are pushed to move very quickly in our modern world. So be mindful and know it is ok if it feels challenging, that merely means you are doing it right; you are pushing against an unnatural flow that has way too much airtime, and that can cause struggle!

That all being said, this weekend and coming days are a good time to begin to stir, within yourself, what is wanting to grow and what you want to begin to grow, birth or re-birth. What roots within are beginning to stretch and seek nourishment and light? This can be one, this can be many. The invitation is to listen, to allow, to move slowly into this space. Spring does not officially come yet for 7 weeks. In this time, you have a lot of space to move mindfully and with intention. Some of your desires may not take root, honour that and allow what is ready to come. Be curious, be pleasantly surprised. Life is a mystery. It is meant to be that way.
I have had to learn again and again that there will be those things I will not be able to prepare for, and those things that I want/desire that will not come to be…yet, or ever. And that is ok, because something else always comes. Maybe quieter, maybe smaller, and always enough.
 
As I finish writing this, the light of the day has fully come to be. The snow has now turned to a light rain, the world is grey and bright and Bear Mountain, which raises on each side of the village, is dusted lightly with snow fall. I might venture out for a walk later; I am not quite sure as I always give myself one day in which to remain cozy and inside and I have not partaken of that ritual yet this week.
Hmmmm and now in the light of day I see the garbage and compost bins, put out yesterday, have not been brought in…this I will go out and do. And so it is, on that note, I will leave you, offering you space to ponder your seeds, your roots, your re-birth, and the birth of each moment of each day.
​
 Here I remain, winter woman...

As we begin to walk through another portal of change, heed Raven's voice, listen to their prayer for us, allow their guidance. All is being watched, all is being seen, all is being held by The Powers that Be. 
Find peace in that truth. 
Blessed Be.
​Here I remain.