for the Water in my Blood
for the Wisdom of the Heart
for the Emotional Self
as the season of grief, death and dying continues
I choose to move gently and notice the small things that make this life everything
I choose to grieve the deaths inside and around me
I choose to grieve alongside those I love, as I simultaneously acknowledge their fortitude and bravery
I choose to grieve with & for the earth community
I choose to acknowledge the wrongs and live into the possibilities that only divine love can bring
I choose to live into the death and honour the grief stories that feed
that is always happening
in one way or another
I pray you’ll join me
Stay tuned for more
collected Fall 2022 by me
Come see me tomorrow morning, Friday, November 3rd, at Kanaka Creek Coffee and let’s talk Grief.
Grief is a reflection of your Love and is not something to ‘get over’.
Why would we want to get over the feelings we have of a loved one leaving this earth or the love we had for something that could no longer be?
Come sit with me and lets see where the discussion and the medicine takes us.
I’ll be there 8am-11:30am
’mini session’ by donation
“Come with your grief
Come with your loss
Carry all the pieces of your heart
and come with with us...
Bring your empty cups
and we will have
The Web Weaver: “Synchronicity ~ Divine Intelligence ~ Cause and Effect”
“The Web Weaver rejoices that your creations are far reaching and have positive effects on the many. Every action, every thought, every word and every deed, is woven into the web of creation. When The Web Weaver appears as your Ally, she grants you the way to others of like mind and intention and lets you know that you are not alone in your endeavors. Just when you need to make a connection, like magic, synchronicity occurs. Music reverberates through the web and plays in harmony with your own. This is a sign to trust in the connectivity between all events. The web reaches far and wide, and you’re only capable of perceiving a small part of it. Trust and pay attention to the patterns you see play out in your life. All things will be revealed through the web. Magic is afoot for you!”
This was the card that came to me this morning in my Wise Woman Weekly circle. It feels timely and strongly pertains to my upcoming offering:
The Pathway for The Elders.
This offering keeps ebbing and flowing, shifting and re-shaping as I get closer to the informational zoom call happening of Sunday, October 8th @ 9:30 pst. which has taken me of a journey of letting go and trust.
Examples of changes are as follows:
*The established price has been thrown out the window, with the intention to see how many participants will be taking part. What that means is there is a strong possibility it will be less (NEVER MORE) than the former investment of 3 payments of $500. (the non-refundable sign-up fee of $195.00 remains the same)
*Now, this container will be held online, for the most part, so anyone interested can participate, no matter where on the planet, you find yourself.
*Scholarships are still available as I never want finances to be what keeps a sister from saying yes.
*If you are a Sister who is on an established spiritual path, but not quite in the time of the 50’s AND you feel a call to this experience, I am open to a chat and the possibility of you joining us!
*The informational zoom call WILL be recorded for those interested who are not able to attend.
*Elders will have till November 30th to join in on this journey. That said, it is highly recommended you sign up earlier to allow lots of time for preparation and connection with the other Elders joining us on this journey.
*More *detailed *information *can *be *found *here: https://www.facebook.com/events/316184234241606
and here: https://www.catherinebeerdabasso.com/offerings.html
This offering feels so important and timely. I will be fully immersed in this experience along side participants as I continue to unravel who I have been to allow space for who I am meant to be at this time/season of life. Personally, it has been an interesting, enlightening and sometimes challenging experience as I was and continue to be called to move away from what once, literally, saved my life. That’s feel a little scary, and yet I know through experience and observation, possibility awaits, and I am so held and seen in this earth side journey I am partaking in.
The card above goes on to say: “Your strand in the web is beautiful and unique, and you don’t need to camouflage who you really are to obtain results. You are challenged to stand tall in all your perfect imperfections, see yourself truly and allow the patterns of your life to be woven into the beauty meant for you. Keep in mind that if you do what you did, you’ll get what you got. The web remembers everything. Do something different this time and watch a miracle.”
It has been shown to me, time and time again, that the allowing of Life is what is being asked of me, the release of control and the building of trust, even when I am unclear and especially when I am unsure. So much of my trauma and religious conditioning taught me to dis-trust my heart and that Spirit was separate and not within me, not working with me all the time; opposite from The Sacred Truth. It was the listening, learning and healing with The Sacred Truth of my connection to Spirit and The Spiritual, and then living it which brought to me the deep healing I now breath. So here I go again, stepping off the ledge, into the unknown, trusting as I fall.
If you would like to jump on the informational zoom call, Sunday, October 8th @ 9:30 PST let me know so I can put you on the list.
If you would like to be a part of the informational zoom call, but are not able to attend at that time, let me know, and I will put you on the list of those who will receive the recording.
It’s been a hot minute…or 5.
How has summer been treating y’all? How have you been navigating the hot emotions of this season? (Yes, it’s true, summer can be a hot time both physically and emotionally.) I’m hanging in over here. There have been highs and lows, and maybe even some low lows. Well, lets re-phrase that…there has been some dark-night-of-the-soul kind of experiences as I forge my way through this season of menopause. And yes, it often feels as if I am forging through. And I know that my feelings are intensified at this time, so the invitation is for me to sit is self-care regulation for mySelf AND continue to trust the process, as best as I am able.
In the meantime, I am walking one day at a time. It seems to be the best way to support myself through this natural and necessary transmutation. I continue to surprise myself. I was recently speaking with one of my support groups, sharing with them that the gift of age has been letting go and moving through with much more ease than I ever have before. I still feel all the feels, AND I feel less attached. My thought is that it is because of the wisdom I have gathered on my life journeys. The wisdom that no matter what is going on around me, I still have a choice as to how I want to show up, and beyond knowing this, I now allow myself to live it. That did not happen overnight. It has been a constant coming back to the work bench, the table, the drawing board again and again.
Last week I sat with a sister friend and showed her an image of a duck that I had encountered that very morning. Clearly coyotes or a coywolf had enjoyed it for a meal, eating the most tender parts and leaving the rest for me to come upon. In my 13 years of walking that path regularly, I have never come across remains like that. Feathers that indicated a struggle and meal had happened, yes, but a gutted duck, no. I told her I came upon it when I was grappling with myself and my feelings about some things happening in my life. The duck remains represented how I felt…gutted and dismembered. And what I know about those feelings, from my past experiences, is that they do not remain. They represent healing, deep healing that goes beyond my own consciousness. I appreciated the visual. I collected an image but will not share it here as I want to honour that it might be disturbing to some. My age, along side the medicine gathered on my journey, has offered me a place of pause…meno-pause…where I react/respond less, and observe more. There is so much of life that I do not understand, and there is a part of me that feels so certain. How can that be? That, for me, is the spiritual side, the Great Mystery, the spiritual Unknown, The Universal Life Energy that is just to big for my human brain to sometimes comprehend. So I stay with what I do know, on the path that is provided, even when it seems to not make sense. That feels and looks like emotional maturity to me. Trying less and Trusting more.
So that’s me, silently stepping out of the race, and finding my own way.
This is what feels important.
And that’s enough about me. If you are still here, thank you.
I have a few new day retreats for the fall posted on the offerings page, as well as two 9-month groups starting in October. The Healing Room is always available for those needing a minute to breathe and receive, and The Well Healing Circle will be activated again next month. It is an honour to lay out these offerings in a time such as this, where the world is burning, and refinement is happening.
See you out on the trails friends.
THE LIGHT IS RETURNING...
It is cracking through, just a little, and my breath feels wider
Slowly, I feel myself naturally sensing into the possibilities
no pushing, no making it happen, there is only presence
my presence, my ability to be as I my ability allows
no expectations * no should * no musts
(somewhat challenging for my conditioned mind and possible)
In this place,
Subtle trepidation and Grounded excitement vibrate through my bones
And, I find mySelf giving gratitude for the value of The Darkness
and the willingness of The Light.
I, like the light, am not fully returned
I am like the crowning baby
moving tightly through the birth canal of life
being born again
Baptized through story, experience and song
Be-Coming what I was not and what I am
I have learned through these past 4-5 years
that The Pause rushes for no one or no-thing
it is not about completion
rather, it is the beginning
the Beginning Again
And so much Grief…and Love
because those two are never far from one another
often walking hand in hand
holding each other up, they smile at one another,
in a deep honour that can be described by no word.
The light returns slowly
I do not know what I will see when it does
I do not know who I will be
I do know I am not the same
I so know I am not meant to be
There has been solitary journeys, death, birth, fire, rains and winds.
Deep, dimly lit caves filled with bones, stories and memories
asking to be cleaned, sorted and tended to
Versions of mySelf brought home, acknowledge and loved
More Death, Birth and Rebirth.
Re-membering and Allowing
Laying to rest and Re-claiming
Listening and Honouring
Community build and Community dismantled
Challenge, Sorrow and Pain
Beauty, Wonder and Gratitude
All have been present
All have shown up
As have I
Who will I be when I emerge from The Winter I've been in?
I remain to be seen.
Growth is always happening.
Sometimes we are more aware of it than other times.
Sometimes it is uncomfortable.
Sometimes it even hurts.
So, my friend, the Medicine I bring to you today is this: In times of growth,
Find your Rhythm.
Stay connected to The Mother.
She will bring you into Balance and Harmony
and look for me to be near, for I am never far.
collect by me 2022
#animalmedicineoracle #love #flicker
"On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.
And when your eyes
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets into you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green
and azure blue,
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.
When the canvas frays
in the currach of thought
and a stain of ocean
blackens beneath you,
may there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home.
May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life."
- John O'Donohue
#wordmedicine #poetry #johnodonohue
"They do not go willingly
They don't want to be transformed
They cling to my ribcage for dear life
Not understanding that the life they cling to is already dead
Not understanding that they are being invited into a living Life
I have to be still
So they can be moved
My skin feels delicate and thin
And so I walk
Becoming a messenger to myself
And it is here
Mother Mary comes to me...."
-February 2, 2012
an expert from "Love Light and Shadow" by Catherine Beerda-Basso
It is interesting to find myself back in this place. Different and yet familiar. Menopause has called me to be so very very still, despite the fires that burn inside. I have begun to think that is is actually BECAUSE of the fires that burn inside. At the time of writing that I was just coming back to life. I was still strongly tethered to my depression and through it's lens had convinced myself that my family would be better off without me. I was ready to leave this life and making plans to do so. What transpired that day was beyond my own manifestation, my own understanding and yet, I understood clearly.
I did not leave. I chose to stay. And, yes, I was given a choice AND there would be a price because I was asking for that which was not a natural occurrence in my time line. The price was one I was not willing to pay AND I was forever changed, in such a beautiful, unexpected way.
I turned away from that day fully stepping into my life, embracing the all of it and even grateful to be alive. What a foreign concept that was at the time. Grateful to be alive, and yet I was and still am. I do not walk without challenge, struggle or grief...thus the circling back to this writing. I do, however have a deeper and changed understanding of this life we live and that goes with me every single day.
This season of menopause has offered me opportunities to come alongside the traumas, the abuses, the sad stories of my past, and bring spiritual and human truth to those places. I find myself often re-living feelings of the past, AND being asked to bring the truth of today alongside them. So, unlike before, I am not taken under, I am not lost, I am not without sanctuary. I AM affected, I am feeling this transmutation, transformation, cleaning of my bones fully and full on. There are no words to describe this season of life, it is something that must be lived, to be understood.
And so I am living it. Thin skinned and tender hearted, in a time when the world is burning, I stand raw and weary AND alive and blessed beyond measure.
Here I remain.
#lovelightandshadow #memoir #writer #passthestory #holyholyholy #loverevolution #healingfromtheinside #wordmedicine #medicinewomanwalking
I can see winter leaving all around me
I feel the shift in the air
I see the change in the earth
New life begins to break through the soil
Reaching for the light
Birth and Re-Birth
It is happening before my eyes
And I welcome it
Am grateful for it
And with in me
Something else is happening
Winter still remains
Transmutation is still in progress
I sense there is a thaw
A winter break up, that is taking place
And I slowly begin to stir, from my place by the fires of my ancestors
I still see the frost
I still smell the snow
And I feel the thaw
I feel the stirrings and that causes a part of me to want to jump up and get going, as I have done so many time before
I want to change the image of me in the snow…Winter Woman and yet I am unable to do so.
I am not who I was before
I am not the woman I once was, nor should I be
I have been many women on this journey of life
Many girls, many humans, many versions of mySelf
Elderhood has taken me to new realms, new understandings (which is not understanding) and other worlds that words of our language cannot be threaded to.
This pilgrimage has been like no other
If I did not know what it is I know,
I might think I was breaking down...
Instead I find mySelf breaking open
So, the fire remains close as I breathe in the breath of spring
She is there with me
Along side the winter of my soul she is there
I plant seeds and she holds them and those that are ready she brings to life
I see them
Pushing up through the snow
I feel them rooting deeply into the warming soil
I continue to surrender and trust
I continue to stay present and believe
I continue to listen, learn and heal
Here I remain
(this picture was so hard to post, and I wanted to honour the part of my experience that is
celebrating, and honouring the season, she deserves to be scene.)
Dearest Mother Earth....
for all it is you do
for all it is you are
for all it is you give.
You inspire me to be a better mother
a better woman
to go beyond the surface
and dig deep
You offer me a place to grow
a place to put my roots
and to anchor my heart
You hold my grief
when it is just too big to bear
and you dance with me
when my joy over flows
You offer me wisdom freely
seeking nothing in return
You are the one
that holds the Great Magic
Written on your crust
are the stories of old
Creator spoke you
from the Heart of Love
and All Things Beautiful
Your flow, my flow
Your fire, is my fire
Your rain, my rain
Your soil, is my soil
You teach me
You humble me
You are a reflection
of my heart
my true center
You are my friend
You never turn me away
whether I come with a song
in my step
or fall to my knees
and soak your soil with my tears
You are there
Forgive us when we don't tend to you
In the Good ways
when we take more than we need
when we do not trust there is enough
Forgive us when we are careless
of the resources you provide
Forgive us when we don't remember
to honour our ebb and flow
within natures rhythm
our sometimes reckless ways
Forgive us when we foolishly forget
that YOU are HOME
and WE the tenders of what you have given
A deep Sacred bow
Arms stretched up and open
All in gratitude for you...
Love Light and Shadow
image collected by me 2022
I was on an early morning walk and was fortunate and blessed to see a mother and her 3 otter pups on the waters edge, feeding and playing.
Imbolc has come, and the light is slowly and intentionally returning.
The stirring of nature’s new life is beginning. Ideas are taking form, as the seeds of intention are being considered. What will I grow this year? Is what I ask myself…
And as I slowly move into this new calendar year, and I find myself standing at the door of Imbolc, I acknowledge the reflection, release and calling in I have been walking.
Recently, I found myself being asked to acknowledge a part of mySelf that I put away, for safe keeping. I’ve been asked to acknowledge the pain, the horrors and the confusions,
when I was powerless, voiceless, unseen, unheard.
The act of ack-now-ledg-ment is a form of alchemy.
It takes us out of those dark and hidden places we have put parts of ourSelves for safe keeping, hiding them away from the monsters and unsafe aspects of our lives.
This is where I find myself.
Invited into a space to sit with my Self in acknowledgment.
Invited and asked to be the alchemist of my own healing.
To bring out of hiding, the final piece of myself, the one I told to wait.
There is no mining to do this time, no digging, no dark night of the soul
All that I need has already been gathered, unearthed, conjured, prayed for, revealed.
This time, it is merely the acknowledgement, a nod to the events and experiences that molded and made me. A welcoming home. To sit at the kitchen table and say
‘I see you. I know what you have gone through. You are safe with me.’
One of my sister-friend told me about how her indigenous peoples, The Oneida People, measure age. They do it by how many winters you have seen. I have seen 55 winters.
In that time, I have seen, felt, heard, and experienced much.
Enough to know that there is much more to come. Enough to know what freedom feels like.
Enough to know that I am not finished. Enough to know that I have just begun. Enough to know that I have not been abandoned. Enough to know that there is more, more that my human eye cannot see so easily. Enough to know that I…I am Enough…even when I don’t feel it.
So I stand, sit, walk and be in The Acknowledgement.
I welcome the return of the light and I pray for it to move slowly, as I feel that I need time.
It smiles at me, a broad, never-ending grin that reminds me, there is neither beginning nor end. What there is, is a spiral of life, a continuum of what was, what is and what will be.
There is time, more than I need
Tonight, as I acknowledge this time of year, and the return of The Light
I say and offer this prayer:
Dance me on the Inside
Dance me on the Outside
Dance me through this life with Love
Dance me to me to my Sacred Home
And when it grows dark
And the night burns bright and clear
Dance me to my Heart & Soul
To the place where it all began
Where I, again, can be reborn
May all conflict reap fruit
May justice come to pass
May the way be made clear enough
May it be so
#holyholyholy #prayer #anewyearprayer
#inthepause #winter #imbolc