4 years ago I wrote the following while on a personal, inner quest…
Day 183 #innerquest
Going into The Cave of Healing can look like many different things,
and come in surprising forms…
Like watching a father eagle feed his young one as the mother looks on
Baby loons riding on their mama's back
King Fisher bringing a mouth full of food back to the nest
A small squirrel scolding a black lab
A small mama bird sitting upon her newly hatched chicks
The rushing water of a tremendous waterfall
The soft step of forest moss
Thunder and Lightning and Summer Showers
Jumping naked into the early morning lake
And watching your little family bond
It's sinking into the ease of grief with no apology
and swimming to the other side
Here I can see healing isn't complicated
What’s complicated is me, my fleshy thoughts, my unnecessary expectations
In The Cave I find my humanity and re-member to feel fully is what I am here to do. To receive, to give. to receive. To live, to die, to live again.
I'm not done yet, just wanted to say that I am still here, firmly on this earth. My roots going deep, and my branches reaching high; staff in hand, lantern held high.
…and so I remain
I wrote this as I was moving toward the transition of turning 50 and stepping into Elder, Crone, Hag. Now, almost 4 years later, and many miles covered, it is still the small things in which I find the magic and beauty of life. Even in the face of the monsters, the storms, the dark unknown, I see the sparkles, the love, the beauty of this unexpected human life. As an elder, my desire is to open to the possibilities, embrace the unknow and trust in the light flicker. As an elder, my intention is to stand still and listen, to move mindfully, and re-member that there are always more options than can be initially seen. I continue to learn to get out of my own way; to let go of what is not mine, what no longer serves me and to BE the peace that is within me. I continue to learn that I am more than my stories, that I am less complicated than I think. I moved through The Bone Cave, to The Refiners Fire, to The Waters and then to sit at The Ancestral Fire. Wind, Fire, Water and Earth continue to teach me, and I am their willing student, as the journey of transformation continues. Now I walk in the Forest of Healing, Discovery and Possibility as parts of myself grow back, healthier and more in line with mySelf and am meant to be today and in support of the women that I am becoming.
So, in that space of willingness, healing and longing, I’m taking my leave from social media…at least for a while.
I long for the stillness of The Earth. I long to be in present relations with myself and those around me. I long to continue, on the path of healing, in the deep forest of old wisdom and listen to their ancient stories. There is much to unfurl, much to tend to, much to unlearn and relearn again. My heart needs tending to, my spirit needs rest, my body asks for restoration and my mind calls to be renewed. So, I answer in the best way I know how, stepping out onto the trails, staff in hand, lantern raised…and here I remain.