that burns all the veils to their root and foundation...
When those veils have been burned away
then the heart will understand completely.
Ancient Love will unfold
In the heart of the spirit
In the core of the heart."
This summer burned my veils down to the ground
Using grief and fear...it refined me to my bones, it took my blood to its boiling point and it seared me to my core...
We did more than a few rounds in the ring...
We've always been a little hard on each other - both of us flames strong and sure...
this year we out did ourselves
this year was almost more than I could bear
even as I write this I remember how you encouraged me to expand just that much more
how you gently pulled me through the lava lakes of death and grief
how you sat with me in the hot steam of my broken mama heart
how you held me close as I felt I was losing pieces of myself in the flames burning around me
How you quickly refined that thought with your gentle flames to reveal that the feeling of loss I was experiencing was just that
not truth- for I was...all there
And here I am...all here.
refined my Being.
And along side that refined clarity my human wants to say:
It was difficult
I was challenged
I did not like it
And in that truth didn't you fan the flames of passion and love. Wasn't it you who re-affirmed my sacred union, my marriage, with the man I love. Didn't the challenge bring us closer?
That's truth too
Didn't the deep love for the one who left this life prompt me to open my heart to new love? Didn't her leaving actually invite me to love bigger, to love more honestly, to love more completely?
Those things happened too.
And so, as I tend to my fragile skin, burnt by your flame, I can say thankyou.
Thank you Summer.
to put it plainly...
You kicked my ass, and helped me shake off some bullshit...
I do not "rise above"
I do not live in 100% Bliss in "a land of Unicorns and Butterflies"
I do not live seperate from the reality of my human self
I might get glimpses of that sort of magic. Sometimes I might even be able to stay in those places for a period of time. And I have definitely experienced unexplained moments of overflowing Joy.
But I do not live on a higher level - for me, enlightenment or spiritual living does not equal a pain free life.
What it does give me is a place of peace that passes all understanding, while standing in the shit show of life.
What it does give me is a place where I can bring my fragile flesh and yet experience a strength that is beyond my own, within this body.
What it does give me is a re-membering that I am more than a body of bones, blood , cells and flesh...
I Re-Member that I am energy-energy formed by and from Divine Love and in that Love there is refuge. Not that the hurts of refinement are gone or not real, but that they might be soothed and held in the honouring of being a spiritual being having an human experience. That I might find the courage and passion to embrace my human, my flesh...and ALL that comes with it.
The place of Emotion, Intuition, Purification, Cleansing and Clarity
A Place where the watery emotions of grief have something to teach us
A place where we honour the Life-Death-Life Cycle that is all around us...for where there is new life, there was death
My prayer is one of gratitude for the water in my blood, for the watchful and protective eye of Bear...for the wisdom of the Sacred Feminine.
I pray that the emotions of this season will not over take me but instead carry me to the places that I need to go, and sometimes avoid. That I might move in the currents of life with ease, not fighting against them but moving with them creatively, and actively. That the coolness of this season will temper the heat that was summer and bring me to a place of understanding fullness and ease. Aho, Amen and so it is.
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